Use it! Don’t lose it!

This is one of the most important tantric practices in tantric sexuality. First, I Will briefly describe the differences between typical sex and tantric lovemaking. In mainstream sex, mainly only the man reaches peak orgasm.

Then,whether we like or not, the sexual act ends because there is a big loss of energy. However in tantric love making we may make love for hours and then we might decide, “Wow… for now that’s enough”.

As a result we feel satisfied and energized as well. Now let’s go step by step into more of the details: in typical sex the man is so keen to start the penetration that for him foreplay isn’t necessary, he can start straight away.

But maybe as a couple they read some books on sexuality or heard from his woman that the female needs much more time to get ready. So, they do a bit of foreplay and, in an average of less than 10 minutes, move into penetration. For the woman, this is still not enough time for her yoni to be ready and leads to dissatisfaction, frustration, numbness, physical pain in her yoni, sexualtrauma etc.

For the man, he reaches the so-called “point of no return”, the moment he cannot stop his ejaculation and has a so-called “peak orgasm” (formen specifically that is an ejaculatory orgasm). The man, through ejaculation,loses so much energy and then….

“What happens next?”

– I always ask my students this and they usually know the answer: “He goes to sleep”.

He is sow tired that he usually says, “Darling I love you but now I have to go to sleep”. He turns his back, and before she answers he is already snoring.I don’t need to add that this leaves the woman in a very unsatisfied situation. It’s a bit like the electricity went off, while you were enjoying the best,exciting scene in an action movie. When the woman is lucky enough to achieve peak orgasm (the clitoral orgasm), she doesn’t lose as much energy as a man does but usually enough that she loses her interest in continuing. This loss disables her from achieving higher orgasms which are very healing,liberating, energizing. That is why this basic way of tantric love-making that I Have just explained has to be applied not only by the men but by the women aswell.In tantric love-making, we let the woman decide when she would like to beginpenetration. There are a few reasons for this but main ones are: First, that atleast she will also experience some pleasure. Second, that her yoni will be readyfor penetration which may result in a healing experience instead ofa traumatizing one.When penetration begins, excitement rises up quickly. Before we reach thepoint of no return, we perform the following 3 methods together:1. Tightening the PC muscles2. Breath3. VisualizationNotice that you use them all together (similar technique in sexual Tao iscalled “Microcosmic orbit”)
Re 1: PC muscles – for more information about it you may read the practicalleaflet in the book, so I will keep it short and simple here with a quote from ourleaflet:”…PC muscles: Training the PC muscles is one of the most simple but also mostefficient and beneficial techniques that people can get from tantra. There aremany health, physical, mental and sexual benefits from training those muscles.Next time when you go to the toilet, on every breath in, stop urinating.Recognize clearly which muscles you use. Those are the PC muscles. When youknow them, squeeze them and relax them 30 times, 3 times per day. Keep onpracticing. As you will notice training the PC muscles is not visible to others anddoesn’t take all your attention, so it’s perfect to do it in all possible situations(I’m doing it even while I’m writing this text 🙂 I have bet people that, after 1month training, they will be thankful for this information…and I haven’t lostyet” :-)When tightening the PC muscles you shoot the energy up.Re 2: Breath. With each breath inhalation you suck the energy up. Also, notice that youmay slow down your excitement and gain control when you slow down thebreath.
Re 3: Visualization. It’s very true what they say, energy goes where attentionflows. That’s why, we help the flow with our visualization. You may visualizeenergy as you like: green light ball, flame, snake, stream of light, ray etc.Together Re: 1+2+3First you breathe in while tightening the PC muscles and visualize the energygoing from your genitals through the back of the spine to the level of the heart(at the beginning of your practice). Second, on the exhale you relax your PCmuscles and visualize the energy going down from your heart back to yourgenitals. You repeat this circle 5-7 times until you feel that the energy that wasin your genitals (and was ready to explode through peak orgasm) is brought tothe heart and you are no longer at the point of no return. Then you maycontinue with the penetration. Again and again, each time before you reach thepoint of no return (better too early than too late because otherwise it is gameover and loss of energy happens), you make 5-7 of those circles and youcontinue like that. After doing this 2-4 times you may feel that you experiencehigher states of ecstasy than in typical sex and you may go on like this as highas you like. As the time passes you (and especially your goddess) may feel like”wow”. Then after feeling so much bliss, overwhelmed by sensations or maybejust noticing that it”s already morning and time to get up! .. Or because of thekids, to eat, etc.… together with your partner, you decide to finish yourbeautiful love-making.
POINTERSOne of the things tantra does is to guide you to be fully absorbed in the hereand now with your lover and this beautiful energy of sharing love. You may askyourself: how I may achieve that state when I have to be busy with somecomplicated technique?Do you remember yourself, or your kids learning how to ride a bicycle? Youhad to be busy with your steering wheel, pedalling, keeping balance, looking upand not down at the feet… – so many complicated things at once. Only thechildlike enthusiasm made you keep trying and falling many times. Do you everhave to think about all those things while you’re cycling now? No. You may havean interesting conversation or study an audio book while you cycle and all thosecomplicated things don’t take anymore of your attention at all.I would like you to remember this example and to keep the enthusiasm of thatchild wanting to cycle when you are doing the tantric practice. To make it easierand less challenging, take your practice also out of your bedroom. Especially atthe beginning, any scratch or shout of your goddess may push you over theedge, over the point of no return. A self-love practice would be safer andwould help you to get comfortable with the energy and technique. You maytrain the PC muscles and the breath separately. Then after you get morefamiliar, you may combine them together and then apply the visualization. Withpractice, I’m sure, you will make this technique as part of your nature and youcan fully enjoy your goddess(god). By the way, for women we highlyrecommend for the PC muscles, exercises with a yoni egg (you may buy it fromus for a comparable and good price).Men are often asking me: When, then may I ejaculate? My answer is: as rarely aspossible. Why lose your precious energy? Why lose the opportunity ofexperiencing higher realms of ecstasy just for, what we call it in tantric circles,the “sneezing” orgasm? Believe me, once you taste tantric love-making, youwon’t be interested in peak orgasms. However, when it happens, do not feelguilty or shameful. There is too much of this in human sexuality as it is. Withtantra, we are healing from guilt and shame and we don’t want to create moreof it. But remember to keep your intention strong and clear.Especially at the beginning is good to go for a 49 day challenge. After such aperiod without a peak orgasm, your physical addiction from ejaculation ends.The hormones, which are so strong like in a heroin addicted person, stop beingproduced and you’re free. Only your mental attachment could still be there butthis, we remove by creating better, new experiences also in our workshops. A49 day challenge, means that you do your best to avoid peak orgasm for 49days while maintaining an active sexual life. Whenever it happens, withoutbeing annoyed with yourself, you just start counting the days again frombeginning. Remember you are in the learning process and the patiencewith your mistakes and transferring them into opportunities to grow are veryimportant aspects of tantra. Perseverance against all odds and keeping yourintention strong and clear could be another good virtue to learn through thatprocess.One more thing to mention that is good to realize is that for many reasons, 1from 5 women (20% of female population) never or very rarely experienceclitoral orgasm. For those women we exceptionally say go for it and enjoy it. Wecompare the peak orgasm to the higher ones like kindergarten to university(not even the basic school). For those 1 out of 5 women we say, go tokindergarten first, enjoy and explore. But don’t stay there all your life or for toolong when it’s possible that you, like everyone without exception, may reachthe more heightened tantric orgasms of university.Use it don’t lose it 🙂